Something today was telling me to write how I was feeling. I have been reflecting a lot about how I ended up where I did and how some people I grew up with ended up on opposite sides of the political spectrum. I suppose that is how the story goes, though, right? We all start somewhere, and where we end up falling is up to us.
There were a number of different things I can think about that have had a greater impact on my life than others, although most monumental moments have shaped me into the person, wife, mom, daughter, supervisor, etc. that I am today. I think you can say the initial foundation of my life began in the town in which I was born and where my parents were raised. This small upstate New York town, in the Mohawk Valley region, used to be the glove making capital of the world. This led to the growth of the city, once called Stump City due to all of the cutdown trees, but sadly this bustling, glove-making town, saw the hurt following the Great Depression. This was obviously way before my time. Both of my parents grew up in this small town, however they seemed to want to expand their lives and move away. They lived in Virginia for a period of time, before moving back to New York, prior to my birth.
I lived the first 13 years of my life between three cities in upstate New York. The first monumental moment began during February of 2000 when my parents decided to take me and my brother to Colorado to visit my aunt and uncle. It was gorgeous weather and apparently allowed for my dad to golf in a short sleeve shirt in the middle of February. This was something that was appealing to him. From there, my parents both started the plan to move to Colorado. The idea of leaving the gloomy northeast for 300 days of sunshine was an easy sell for adults. As for me, I literally asked to move in with another family so I did not have to leave. One of my cheerleading coaches Sam, and her single mother, offered to allow me to stay with them so I could finish the season cheering with my team. Much to my surprise, this was met with rejection by my parents. At the time, I really wondered why they hated me so much that they wouldn't let me stay with one of my cheerleading coaches. My, my, how perspectives can change as you age. So, monumental moment number one was moving to Colorado during the heat of the summer in 2000.
I don't think many people necessarily enjoy middle school anyway, but let me tell you, it sucked. My mom set up a "blind friendship date" with a neighbor named Delia. I still do not know the story behind this girl, but I know something was off and she wouldn't leave me alone. Like come in to my house, no knocking, and find me in my room, weird. I missed New York. This move led me to my aversion to change which I still battle to this day.
As I began to grow older, I found myself referring to being "from" Highlands Ranch, Colorado where I lived while I was in high school. I met some amazing people, many which I still keep in contact with to this day. High school was amazing. I cheered, I had some great friends, and even greater memories. One of which was not the night I snuck out with my friend Katie, got drunk, and then puked spaghettios in the bathroom sink when we got home. Talking to Katie's dad about that was a fun one, but definitely not my favorite. When I think about Highlands Ranch in terms of diversity, I think about how there is basically none. It is an upper - middle class white community, some may call it a "bubble" or "rich." My high school often had a "diversity" week where they would invite in different cultural groups to do performances for us to "introduce" different cultures. Thinking about this now makes me want to vomit. Thinking about my reaction to attending these events, makes me want to crawl up into a hole and never come out. I vividly remember asking my mom not to go "because I did not care about diversity." What a HORRIBLE thing to think. It does go to show that someone can grow, change, and move past an underdeveloped frontal lobe in which statements and choices clearly lack maturity. Monumental moment number two was my lack of wanting knowledge about other cultures than my #basicbitch culture from which I was currently in, Ugg-deep.
Monumental moment number three involved a family that are literally the sweetest souls on this earth. I was invited to a University of Colorado football game my freshman year of college by my friend Amanda because her brother played there. One Saturday we drove up to Boulder, laughing hysterically when her dad barely ran a red light and made a comment that is "was just turning pink." Upon arriving in Boulder, I felt home. The mountains, the laid back lifestyle, and my god, the football game was electric. I loved everything about that and my focus became on getting grades that would allow me to get into CU Boulder. If you do not know about Boulder, it is a straight up hippy town, with lots of pot, and also very, very wealthy people. The Jon Benet Ramsey house looks like a dump and it is over a million dollars. Yes, this happened in Boulder, Colorado.
Monumental moment four involved moving to Boulder. I had the real life dorm experience, and the real life "I am dirt poor" experience. My first roommate in Boulder had fifty foot yachts and went up and down the Hudson river over the summer and her mother owned a women's clothing line. She liked to smoke pot and have boys with dreads lay on my bed, I was not cool with that. Germs and stinky boys, ya know? I ended up moving dorms and moving in with my best friend, Heather. Luckily, her roommate, a wealthy Texan I think, liked my wealthy roommate and it was a match made in heaven. Moving in with Heather was such a sigh of relief. She was normal. She had to work for her money and we both lived off of dorm food and a giant bottle of Immodium. You know, dorm food does work on you, if you know what I mean. Heather spent every other weekend in California visiting her now husband and I spend a lot of time with my now husband. I was working at a restaurant while in college, still dirt poor, when a homeless man came into the restaurant. He did not have any money and asked if he could use the bathroom. One server in particular allowed him to do so and then invited him to sit in his section following his restroom needs. The cold, worn down man took him up on his offer. I watched intently as this server, a college student himself, told him to order whatever he had wanted on the menu and that he would buy it for him. The man had tears in his eyes. He ordered a soup (pea) and spaghetti with meatballs. Before leaving, the server packed him up this same order so he could have food for later as well. This moment changed me. I wanted to be in a position where I could advocate for others when they could not advocate for themselves. I would not be an echo chamber and support any narrative that didn't allow for change. I wanted to be able to give to others in some way, shape or form. What a saint that server was. In Boulder there were so many diverse people from one end of the money spectrum to the other. I fell on the poor end stealing an entire box full of coupon books from the student center so Berto and I could eat five dollar burritos and a drink from Qdoba basically every night. The man that used to pee in the river when walking home from house parties was also on our end of the spectrum, I think, and he always smelled of pee. Then there were girls having animals get into their expensive cars and calling to ask their daddy, not dad, to buy them a new car because of it (it was a Chipmunk, I think). Another girl did not know how to cook her own popcorn in a microwave with a popcorn button. There were all kinds there. I craved diversity after Boulder, and wanted to learn all I could about it.
After two years in Boulder I moved down south of Denver again when my now husband graduated. Heather had moved on to California and I just didn't want to be there without her or Berto. Berto and I got an apartment together, continued to work at restaurants, and lived such care-free lives. My friend Mandy and I found ourselves in a Communication class at CU Denver with a Black professor. She had no issues calling anyone out on their shit, and she always called Mandy and I out for talking. She did make a comment about getting raped in Boulder as it was an unsafe town, which really rubbed us the wrong way, because truth be told, Denver was much scarier than Boulder ever was. Drunk frat boys aren't that scary. They are actually just stupid, but always a lot of fun. Monumental moment number five happened in this class. Junior year, diving into more diverse populations in Denver, the professor made a comment about understanding privilege. This was one of the first times I had discussed privilege, specifically white privilege. My major had changed from Political Science and Mathematics in Boulder to Sociology in Denver. I dove all in. Sexual Deviance, Racial Tensions in Society, Gender and Equality, and I loved every minute of it. Something about having a diverse classroom, with diverse professors, made learning about these topics more real. There were raw stories shared and I still admire those who shared them. Upon graduating, I knew this education was not enough. I immediately applied for graduate school and was accepted into the Counseling program. The process was tedious, essays, full day interviews, grades, and so on. But I get it now. That program nearly killed me physically, and killed my debt to income ratio. But what I learned was priceless. There were professors from all backgrounds, varying sexualities, and different ethnicities. I met some of the kindest and most intelligent people I have ever met in my life in this program. Think about it, you want your therapists to be open minded for all clients, so teaching open-mindedness is at the forefront. Teaching cultural competence and cultural integrity is high on the list because as a therapist, you may never know who will walk through your door. Some of the people that stand out to me that have impacted my life for the better are the people I met through grad school. Although the debt from grad school is my least favorite, I would do it ten times over to gain more knowledge and experience working and learning from people from all backgrounds. In fact, the photos in this blog post are from a friend from graduate school as she continues to capture images through her lens and often in some of the most magnificent ways.
I see so many posts online about lib-tards, snowflakes, deplorables, and so on and so forth. I am literally so sad about the name calling. I was born in conservative upstate New York, which remains highly conservative today, and surrounded myself with people in Douglas County for most of my life where being a conservative runs deep through their veins, and have become friends with some people from other states who remain conservative. I, however, am not. Most time I feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole, and thats when I lean on the images shared from my friends from grad school. I hear people say "liberals try to make me feel bad about my beliefs" and if there is one thing I want everyone, including my kids, to know, NO ONE can make you feel a certain way. Only YOU can make yourself feel a certain way. So, if you are someone saying this, I think it is time to take a deep look internally and examine why you feel this way. There are foreign enemies of the United States that wanted the current president to be elected in 2016 for exactly this reason. We are ALL are letting those enemies win. We are more divided than ever. I have seen people say they would not lose friends over an election. Well, I am fine with that in all actuality. While I would love to pay less taxes, I will never let that get in the way of the social issues that are present in elections. Sandy Hook KILLED me. Little children were shot in their classrooms. In my children's school, the preschool and kindergarten classrooms are immediately to the left when entering the building. I continue to have anxiety about the vulnerability, despite security measures, of my children being in a similar path to the shooter at Sandy Hook. I want immigrant children to be afforded the same opportunities of other children in this country. I want children to be able to eat at school if their parents cannot afford it. I want abortion to remain legal because people will find a way to get one legally or not if they want one. I want more funding for public education and I want greener energy. But most of all, I want to surround myself with those that believe these things too. As a mother of half Mexican children, I do not want to surround myself with people that think a racist "leader" is good. That is an insult to my children and I do take it personally. I also question any leader that treats women with disrespect and mocks disabled people. If those things are okay with someone, that is not really a person I need to keep around. I GET IT - you want to pay less taxes. But at what cost? Allowing the Proud Boys to be proud? The cost of allowing foreign enemies laugh at the crumbling political environment in this country? At what point do we say enough is enough and admit that electing an unqualified, business man, was the downfall of the last four years? At what point do we say allowing someone with traits of an untreated mental illness run this country?
Monumental moment number six. This is something that is a continued work in progress. I will not allow those that stand idly and allow the continued destruction of our country happen just because they do not want to admit that one can vote against party lines. Our kids' futures depending on choosing a leader that unifies, is qualified to run a country, and one that does not sell our souls to our enemies. We need to be better, do better, and we will be better. Together.
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